Consulted Prof Kim over my paper today after my classes and that’s what she said to me when we were going through it. I should contextualise and say that I got an A (!!!) for my paper and it was one of two given out in the class – the other being Desmond, another quiet person in the class. I won’t classify any of my classmates being very quiet though, everyone does speak up occasionally (though some more than others) to give input about the week’s topic.
I’m not really sure why but what she said kind of stuck with me throughout my entire trip home. She offhand said it like oh it’s always the quiet ones that get the best grades and got me thinking about personalities and perceptions and how those two always aren’t the same.
I would label myself as an introvert – I enjoy my own company the most and sometimes people are just tiring – but there are aspects to me that aren’t so clear cut. Like yes, I usually won’t be the first to initiate a conversation but if someone does say hi, I do talk to them earnestly and can hold a conversation unless they say something so disparaging that it just turns me off.
I have all this depth within me but sometimes it’s very hard for me to speak up in a group. Sometimes, I do know the answer and know that it’s the right one but it is still intimidating for me to raise my hand or just voice it out. I know it’s one of my weaknesses and I am working on it but it just takes time I guess. Which brings me to the point where today in my Migration class we got back our research papers and was pleasantly surprised to find an A- (seriously, this semester is off to a great start). Prof Kevin wrote that it was a well-researched and well-written paper but he put in a side note that I should try to speak up more in class (these words were underlined sigh) and voice out these opinions that I have.
I’m not feeling bad about it. Those comments don’t make me feel particularly sad (this is possibly a side-effect of being emotionless, but more on that in another post). I just take them as constructive criticism and am going to try to make my contribution in these next 7 weeks or so.
Wish me luck as I go on this very intimidating and out-of-my-comfort-zone journey.