So this happened last Thursday, March 10th.

 I don’t feel bad about not censoring the number because tbh he’s asking for it. 

I’m not sure how this dude got my number but I felt really scared of my safety when it happened. Mainly because it happened when I was in line for the Sarah J Maas signing at JP with Syu. So, I was out in public. And this random person who I don’t know suddenly messages me? Not even FB Messenger but my actual number. Yeah, I was scared. I’m very thankful to Syu though cos she calmed me down some and tried to come up with ideas to get this guy. One of which involved calling the number from a payphone, which was very smart since he can’t track the number, but failed cos he didn’t pick up.

Afterwards when I came home I told my mom about it but was very disappointed from her attitude. Sure, I’ve blocked the number and technically he can’t do anything to me (online) anymore but still. This is your daughter and you taking a very tak endah (couldn’t care less) attitude is very discouraging and sets a pretty dangerous precedent. She didn’t say in so many words but from her behaviour and attitude it seems like I should be happy that this happened? Like someone likes me this much to track me down? What the hell. She doesn’t seem to get that this can constitute as harassment. Or that my privacy has been breached. Very disappointing.

Anyway, after that I tried to get to know who this guy is and this is what happened:

Yes, death threats. I don’t think he actually meant them but the fact that it was stated is already something (I should get Llama on this to advice on the legality of it all haha). Seriously, this dude is so creepy and I do feel a bit insecure now whenever I’m alone in school. Usually I’m very okay with eating alone at the Deck or going to CLB in between lessons for a bit of studying but now I don’t know :/. I spent the past week with friends in between classes so that’s good but I sort of don’t want this guy’s words to impact me so much to change how I live my life? Know what I mean? Like if I were to “win” in this whole thing, I should just go on living my life how it is. Just that whenever I think so, there’s this little voice inside my head saying but what if something does happen.

Ugh this individual is seriously not worth the amount of stress I had the past week or so. He hasn’t contacted me (he can’t cos I blocked him again) and there has been no weird encounters in school so I am a bit relieved and just hoping this will all die down. Just let me graduate with no big fuss please.

But yes, I thought I should share it even though I’m pretty much over this cos it’s important to let other people know and what steps and mental preparation they can take if it were ever to happen.

Here’s a video from Rosianna (one of my favourite youtubers!) talking about sexual harassment and how it’s so internalised in our culture today that women feel it’s a minor thing and shouldn’t be brought up to the relevant authorities even though they should. Now, my experience wasn’t as severe as hers but I did have moments of doubt like am I making a big deal out of this maybe it’s not so bad and I was constantly asking my friends like This is weird isn’t it? This is creepy and harassment? It’s not just me that thinks so, right? even though deep inside I knew that it was.

Those moments of self-doubt is almost as scary as the actual act itself. Women shouldn’t self-doubt when these things happen. These things are real and should be talked about because it’s the only way that it will get better and won’t happen again in the long-term.

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