A couple days ago I finally got a response from MINDEF. It was a rejection email, unfortunately.
I’ll admit, I did feel dejected and lousy for the rest of my day even though deep down, I knew it wasn’t the perfect fit for me. I couldn’t imagine myself in an office job researching about defence policies. It doesn’t sing true for me. But, it was what I had after sending countless job applications. With the rejection, I felt like I had no worth. Which I know isn’t true. But just at the moment, I felt like such an incompetent human being.
I think I made the mistake of linking my self-worth with my job (or job applications) when in fact, I am not just that. I have my family, I have a roof over my head, I have my dear friends, and I have God and my faith. I am very blessed. We are not just some one-dimensional beings where only one thing defines us. We are complex creatures and we should embrace that.
Going out with my friends the next few days did loads to improve my mood. Also, very thankful to all those who comforted me when I reached out to them. I know things will take their time. It’s the waiting that slowly kills me. But I guess this is a test in itself – life teaching me to take things slow (when all this while, my education journey has solely stick to the Express lane) and appreciate what I have.
I took this the other day, on my way home from watching Miss Peregrine’s on the bus. Lately, the sky has been my stress-reliever. Just looking at the huge expanse of it reminds me how small we are and how are troubles are even smaller. Looking at the sky gives me courage to find solutions to my problems. It gives me strength to get through another day. Masyaallah, seriously. I felt so blessed at that moment I couldn’t help but take a photograph (even though it partly showed a traffic jam) to remember it.
I am actively applying for jobs again – this time, more aggressively to the private sector and I’m hoping to hear something soon. My mentor (bless her) is also helping me out by sending my CV around to her old colleagues that are still in the workforce. I met her for lunch a day after my MINDEF rejection when she made this offer, and I just couldn’t help but think that this was all fate. God’s way of consoling and telling me that when one door closes, another one opens. Subhanallah.
Slightly heavy post, this one. I’ll ease up in my subsequent posts but I just needed an outlet today to write down all my concerns and troubles.
Thanks for hearing me out. I really do appreciate it.