The other day, my ex-best friend (I think it’s safe to call her this now, given the circumstances), texted in the group chat to list three good things about her, three bad things, and three words to describe our relationship. And so me being my honest self replied with this (in a private conversation with her cos I don’t want to open her aib in front of everyone else):
Idk I felt that it was fairly accurate and even somewhat softened already (especially regarding the tactless part – I actually didn’t want to put the ‘sometimes’ bit). This was 2 days ago and I have been met….with complete silence on her end. Even though she has replied on the group chat regarding other topics we were all talking about. What was the point of her asking then if she just ignores my message?
The thing is she has also been posting these weird sub-tweets on her Twitter account feeling wronged and how someone is being hypocritical. She only has 13 followers. Now, put yourself in my shoes and what is your natural conclusion? You definitely will feel that all these tweets are targeting you right? It’s not a case of siapa makan cili rasalah pedasnya. It’s a logical conclusion.
Now, I don’t get why she wants to do this roundabout way of talking about it. We are nearly 24 and this shit is getting tiring. I guess I’m also contributing to the problem with writing this post here instead of just texting her back asking what’s wrong but I just needed an outlet to vent tonight. This is not just a one-off occurrance. Now that I look back, there’s been numerous times during our friendship where I’m uncertain where I stand and even feeling like I’m walking on eggshells when I deal with her. I feel like I’ve always been the one giving and putting more effort in the friendship than she’s ever been.
I’m blessed now to be surrounded by good friends and we mutually support each other. On hindsight, I think my friendship with this friend was a toxic one. Based on her tweets and self-declaration, she has bouts of depression but still the lashing out and cold treatment is taking a toll on me.
Should I just be selfish and cut all ties with her? My rational self says yes since it’s causing me so much unnecessary stress and she isn’t even aware of it. But a part of myself that wants to be a caring friend says I should just stick it out as being a friend means being there for the good and the bad parts.
What should I do? Any advice would be good, at this point.
Guess who’s going for Harry Styles next year! I had to give his November concert a miss cos it was too near my Korea trip date and I would have no money left to spend on a concert ticket lol. That’s why I was so happy when he announced a 2018 date and Singapore is listed as one of the stops! He must have really liked it here in 2015 during the OTRA 1D tour. I have to say, SportsHub has really improved their online ticketing system since the last time I used them (see: 2015 OTRA). The purchasing was so smooth, like SISTIC’s, I couldn’t believe it. It could be due to the low demand since this is only for 1 1D member but I don’t really think so cos when I just logged into the system at 10am, 2 blocks were already unavailable. Plus, this is Harry Styles, arguably the frontman of 1D. I really think they’ve stepped up their system. Thank God.
With this purchase, I already have 3 concerts lined up for me. 2 this year (Music Bank, Bastille), 1 next year. Plus there’s semi-legit rumours that Bangtan might come for a full concert in December (which omg I will not be able to deal. I already can’t wrap my mind around the fact that I’m seeing them for the first time at Music Bank in a little less than 2 months). I AM SO HAPPY. People might think that concerts are just a waste of money since they only last about 2.5 hours at most, but I don’t really care. They make me feel alive and there’s nothing like feeling the bass thrum through your whole body and seeing this pulsating mass of people moving along to the same beat.
It’s one of the closest things to magic for me.
I just finished watching La La Land so disclaimer: this post might not be entirely coherent. I left the movie FEELING SO MUCH LOVE. AND TEARS. But mostly love.
The whole world probably knows the plot by now (cos I’m late to the hype train – but omg the hype is worth it) so I won’t get into that but I just have so much feelings over this movie. Right from the get go, I knew I would love it. I was a goner by the first song on that expressway. There’s a reason I loved Glee. I love musicals – it’s such a shame I don’t know more. Halfway through the movie, I already knew I’ll keep it (I tend to delete movies off my laptop once I’m done watching) because I’ll rewatch it numerous times.
Right now, everything about this movie was perfect. The cast was brilliant (Ryan Gosling I want your talent with the piano), the cinematography was really nice (at first I thought this movie wasn’t set in present time cos the colouring makes it seem vintage), I loved the music (the non-jazzy music seems straight out of a 1950s Disney classic movie and it reminded me so much of Sleeping Beauty – one of my ultimate favourites growing up), and the set design need not be said. Stunning.
I couldn’t keep track the number of times I cried. The beautiful dance scene in the observatory where they floated and it looked so damn magical. That scene when he was persuading her to go for that big audition after calling it quits and going back to her hometown. The scene in the park where she asked where they were and deciding to take a break. 5 years later, when she was married to another person and already having a child. THAT ENDING IN SEB’S. He practically declared his love for her through that song, their song, still, after all these years, in front of everyone including the husband and no one knew except both of them. The montage of what could have been. That last shot of him smiling at her, and her smiling back. No hard feelings. Life is unexpected. They still love each other and it’s so pure I couldn’t help my tears.
And at its essence, I think that’s really what I love about this movie the most. It’s about life and its ups and downs. There were times when Seb was more successful than Mia, other times when it was the other way round. But they were still there for each other, sometimes it was harder to be there but they still go back to each other in the end. Until that end. GAH. It’s making me want to write fanfiction and rewrite the ending but I can’t do that. I loved the ending, no matter how bittersweet it was.
I’ll leave you with this gem of a song. The first thing that struck me when I first heard it was this song sounds so sad. I guess I should have taken that as a clue and braced myself.
Well, this weekend has certainly been illuminating, to say the least. I was down for an LP yesterday at Woodlands Bazaar (the heat and humidity almost killed me. I gulped 3 cups of water when it was iftar) seeking people’s feedback on the EP.
One of the questions was about having a woman candidate. I thought Singapore has progressed a lot on this front, and while the majority of people I approached were, it was startling to find some people still having very conservative views. One of them even justified that only males are capable to “lead” the country because Singapore has the lion as an icon. And that lions are males only. I mean – wow. I didn’t know how to respond to that but I just had to “plasticly” smile and nod like I agree with his view. I felt a bit of myself dying away cries. I mean this isn’t even for the PM position which is the real leader of the country. I almost wanted to shake the guy even though he’s a head taller than me.
Fast-forward to today where I watched Hidden Figures. This is part of my new weekly project – to watch at least a movie per weekend. Last week, I started with Me Before You (which made me cry my eyes out). Anyway, Hidden Figures was really good. It never really dawned on me how bad the segregation of blacks and whites were till I’ve watched the movie. I mean having separate bathrooms and coffee pots?? With the hindsight that we have now, it does look very, very ridiculous. I wonder what would look ridiculous 10 or 20 years down the road.