The other day, my ex-best friend (I think it’s safe to call her this now, given the circumstances), texted in the group chat to list three good things about her, three bad things, and three words to describe our relationship. And so me being my honest self replied with this (in a private conversation with her cos I don’t want to open her aib in front of everyone else):

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Idk I felt that it was fairly accurate and even somewhat softened already (especially regarding the tactless part – I actually didn’t want to put the ‘sometimes’ bit). This was 2 days ago and I have been met….with complete silence on her end. Even though she has replied on the group chat regarding other topics we were all talking about. What was the point of her asking then if she just ignores my message?

The thing is she has also been posting these weird sub-tweets on her Twitter account feeling wronged and how someone is being hypocritical. She only has 13 followers. Now, put yourself in my shoes and what is your natural conclusion? You definitely will feel that all these tweets are targeting you right? It’s not a case of siapa makan cili rasalah pedasnya. It’s a logical conclusion.

Now, I don’t get why she wants to do this roundabout way of talking about it. We are nearly 24 and this shit is getting tiring. I guess I’m also contributing to the problem with writing this post here instead of just texting her back asking what’s wrong but I just needed an outlet to vent tonight. This is not just a one-off occurrance. Now that I look back, there’s been numerous times during our friendship where I’m uncertain where I stand and even feeling like I’m walking on eggshells when I deal with her. I feel like I’ve always been the one giving and putting more effort in the friendship than she’s ever been.

I’m blessed now to be surrounded by good friends and we mutually support each other. On hindsight, I think my friendship with this friend was a toxic one. Based on her tweets and self-declaration, she has bouts of depression but still the lashing out and cold treatment is taking a toll on me.

Should I just be selfish and cut all ties with her? My rational self says yes since it’s causing me so much unnecessary stress and she isn’t even aware of it. But a part of myself that wants to be a caring friend says I should just stick it out as being a friend means being there for the good and the bad parts.

What should I do? Any advice would be good, at this point.

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