I think it’s finally safe to say that I am 75% recovered from my bout of the flu virus. The past week has been horrible – between tolerating high fever, hacking cough, and still carrying on with work when I can – I was more than happy when Friday ended and the weekend began.
I’m pretty happy where I am now too. Things at work are looking up (no more office politics / petty games yay) and things might be looking up elsewhere too hahaha.
I bought a ticket for EXO’s Elyxion concert in March this weekend too! Wallet is crying but heart is wholly happy and eagerly anticipating it. I can finally see Chen live and witness his heavenly vocals.
I’ve also been deliberating on working on my writing more this year and not sure where to start. Should I just set up another blog where I can just write freely whenever the inspiration hits me (not like a journal, but like a creative writing outlet)? Or should I keep it to myself for the moment and just pen it down in a notebook. I’ve been feeling inspired by @_mumblebee on insta and thinking maybe I should start with a short story or a poem (even though I have completely no experience in the latter).
All these what-ifs are annoying. I should just go and do it, right?
Been a while since I last posted! Nothing much has changed – except that now I’ve been tasked to give an extremely high level presentation in a month. Of course, I am internally freaked out. I think I was noticeably freaked out when my director told me about it lol. He kept asking if I was fine afterwards. Definitely not my finest moment.
But, now that I had time to comprehend it, I think I am coming around to it. I wanted to make this year a year where I try new things and well, I’m gonna achieve that with this presentation lol. Doesn’t mean that the anxiety has gone away though. It is still there every time I think about it.
I’m gonna look at it with a positive lens though. Even though public speaking is not my forte, I will take it in stride and still do my best on it. Wish me luck. I will need every ounce of it hurhur.
Hello! I know it’s been a while since I’ve last written (I wrote more frequently in my physical journal though) but I just needed some time to grieve over Jonghyun and make sure I made peace with it before I continued writing here. Strange, right? But I felt like that was the only way I could do him right, in a way.
Anyway, here I am writing my annual Year in Review post. I think I’ve always done it every year but since I have a very fickle mind and love to change websites, it’s all scattered over the internet. And I can’t even remember the names of some of the websites I created. What a pity.
In hindsight, I think 2017 was one of my best years so far. Lucky me since 17 is my favourite number. But I did go into this year planning to make this year work (the second half of 2016 was a mess but looking back those months made me who I am today so…)
Not to delay things further, these are some of the memorable moments of my 2017, in thematic order. It includes ups and downs like any other year but I think as a whole, it definitely was a great year. Great for me personally, but not for the whole world in general sigh.
- Work – this is definitely my main highlight of the year. I started with a temp job in February which helped me land a permanent job in May. I have definitely been gaining a lot of insights into office life and the civil service and I’m happy to say that I’m generally happy with my work life! It definitely could be better but hey it’s a first job and it’s the career lattice (sadly, there’s no such thing as a career ladder these days) so I am working my way up. It’s definitely a good starting point for me to slowly achieve my career goals.
- Financial stability – of course, this comes with having a full-time job. As a creature of routine and schedules, you cannot believe what a relief it was for me to finally have a secure footing in Adulthood. This is why the second half of 2016 was a nightmare for me cos it took me so long to get a permanent job after graduation. Very thankful that I can now afford most of the things that I need and want, provide a bit for the family, give my parents and grandmothers some monthly allowance, and make financial planning for myself. I bought a long-term insurance/savings policy last month. I am too Adult already hahaha.
- A qualified driver! – I passed my driving test after taking it twice! With a marked improvement lol. From instant failure the first time round (cos I went up a curb), to 10 points the second time. Itching to get behind the wheel soon but cars are so expensive and impractical here. I might want to try the BlueSG electric car-sharing thing if I have fellow friends to go with! *innocent jio*
- Fanmeets & concerts – I think I went to several events this year? Started with Bogum in February (still one of the best days of my life; he’s so charming and friendly), saw Lee Dong Wook for a little bit at Plaza Sing, Music Bank Singapore (some of my favourite acts, including of cos the ult stan group BTS. Please come back for a full concert, boys.), got to see Kang Ha Neul pretty up-close before he enlisted for NS (thanks Jacq!), and saw and met VIXX in concert (actually getting to see them for a group photo was so surreal I can’t).
- Korea – my big trip of the year! And also almost a year in planning lol. I loved experiencing autumn for the first time (I’m now unsure whether winter or autumn is my favourite season), and enjoying life in the big city where so many of my kdramas and kpop acts come from. Is it my favourite city? No, but that doesn’t mean it is bad. I liked it a lot and it was a great break from office life. Gave me the much-needed perspective that work is not everything. Sometimes, when you’ve been working non-stop you would think that work is everything. Yes, it’s important but it’s unhealthy to let it overwhelm your life. The Korea trip taught me that. So now, I’m coming into office each day feeling a bit lighter that work is not so burdensome.
- Reading goals / TV goals / Movie goals – It was a bad year for all these goals lol. I needed some time to adjust to full time work so for a while, I just didn’t do any reading or watching. I’m definitely going to have reduce them for 2018 just to make them more achievable.
- Many firsts – Paintball (so fun but so painful! My bruises have still not healed lol rip to perfect leg skin), Noosh (one of my favourite hangouts now!), giving out instead of receiving Hari Raya money for the first time, wearing skirts and dresses for the first time (and now they’re pretty much a staple for my work outfit haha they’re so convenient), tried Poke (so delicious but also so ex sigh),
- Friendships – I’ve made lots of friends this year! My definition of ‘lots’ anyway. Thanks to work, I’ve met a lot of great people working in the same department/floor as me and it’s fun hanging out with them. Hopefully it’s been fun for them too haha. I’d like to think the amount of birthday / Christmas gifts I’ve received from them this month are an indication that it is 🙂
- Drama – Speaking of friends, I just got a taste of my first office drama. I’m pretty much just collateral damage in this one, but gah I’m so mad that I’m dragged into this. Sorry to my friends who have to hear me ranting about it. But it’s over something completely stupid. I think it’s mostly over now but we’ll see. Next week, in the new year, when everyone is back in office, I think we’ll really see how it plays out sigh.
- Confidence – this is something that I want to talk about. I’ve written about this a couple of posts back but I really do feel more confident than I’ve ever been this year. I’m speaking up more at work, with friends, with family, instead of just being the observer. Not to say that that was a bad thing (cos I learned so much just from observing people lol), but it’s a good change that I’m embracing. I think that confidence is also what made me sign up for CMB too haha. Confidence also made me know when to cut my losses like how I just ended things with this guy from the app cos it was just too one-way for me. I don’t need that.
And I think that’s it! Some pretty strong points up there. I’m really glad for this year and how it turned out to be. If I was a character in a video game, I’d definitely earned some XP points and maybe leveled up too ^^
Here’s to hoping that 2018 will be a good year.
Close to a day since the news broke and I can’t believe you are gone from this world. To say I was shocked when I woke up from my afternoon nap to the news would be an understatement. The hours since has been pretty hard on me. I cried myself to sleep last night after watching videos of you performing on stage. Numerous times today when I broke down just thinking that you’re no longer here or when I read your final note. I didn’t expect to feel this way. This is legit the first time in my life when a celebrity’s death has hit me so hard. And it’s strange cos I don’t know you personally. I’ve only seen and adored you from afar, amazed by your voice and stage presence.
To know that you have been suffering all these while is truly heartbreaking. It goes to show that it doesn’t really matter how many people love you. When depression hits, it is a lonely battle. I am not condoning self-harm or suicide but I am proud that you manage to survive this long despite all the challenges that lay in your way. Of course, I wished you never took your own life but who am I to say what’s right and what’s wrong? You must have been in the darkest of places to do that even though you are surrounded by your family, your band, and your fans. I can never judge someone when I have never experienced it myself.
I wished you could see the outpouring of love you’re getting right now. Maybe it would have given you a reason to live. Or maybe it would just delay the inevitable.
I will miss you. I really will. I hope you found your peace.
I feel like it’s eons ago since I’ve last written but a quick check on my site shows that it’s only been a week lol. I think it’s cos loads have happened since I’ve last checked in and it would be too long to go into detail each and every one of them so I’ll sum it up in bulletpoints (and hopefully a chronological order):
- X’mas office party – this is the second time I’ve “celebrated” Christmas and it was fun decorating the office and buying gifts for the Secret Santa game! My Secret Santa was awesome and obviously knows me pretty well since it was SR haha. I’m planning to use the novel journal every day next year as part of my “write regularly” resolution.
- Birthday! – again, very fun cos my colleagues celebrated with me the day before (we thankfully get birthday leave hehe) with gifts and a balloon! I am a sucker for balloons. Might need to rethink it for next year though cos it was quite hard to take the MRT home with it lol.
- Bagel – I’m somewhat texting regularly with a Bagel from CMB. It is both very scary and exciting haha. Not sure if anything will come out of it but it’s been entertaining. And learning loads about myself too. Like how much I prize my alone time. Hmm.
- SAR confirmation – Sat down one-on-one with my director and supervisor to assess how I’m doing, what can be improved, and whether I’ll be confirmed come May 2018. Both of them said that I’m “a very good officer” and that they’re “pleased with my work” so phew. Dodged a bullet there. I get very anxious and nervous in these situations so I think I didn’t do my best but thankful that my work so far speaks for itself. Looking forward to confirmation now 🙂 After I get around to the confirmation quiz (that takes 4 hours long whut).
- Carnival – Went with Sya and Val yesterday to the Marina Bay Carnival! Jacq had to back out cos she was unwell But the Carnival itself was pretty good! The rides were sometimes insane (hello, Mach 5 I’m looking at you) but I was happy I forced myself to go on the three rides. Even though halfway through the Star Flyer and Viking I was freaking out haha. The Euro Coaster is great though – brings up memories of Winter Wonderland in London cries.
- Winning tickets to The Chainsmokers! – got an alert from the Comfort Taxi app that I won 2 tickets to a private concert with The Chainsmokers in March 2018. It’s a bit sad that the first thing I thought was that this sounds like a scam. What a world we are living in. But I called Comfort HQ and turns out it was legit! The operator was also shocked that the company was tying up with Mastercard for this promotion haha (It’s cos I synced my Masterpass with the taxi app). So woohoo excited for free live music by a pretty good duo!
- Aishah’s results – Aishah got her N Level results today and they were better than expected! Thankful that she’ll be doing her O Levels next year 🙂
And that’s about it! The rest of December looks pretty chill (pls let me not jinx it by saying this). I am extending the Christmas break by taking 2 days of leave and I’m not sure what I want to do. I do want to check out the National Gallery’s Colours of Impressionism exhibition so maybe I’ll do that on one of the days. I’ve been so interested in art these days, just as a spectator for now cos I have no drawing skills lol, so it’ll be good for me to go 🙂
Two weeks ago, I was reading in the train on the way to work as usual when I notice the person sitting next to me was reading as well. It had a bit of poetic beauty in it cos sometimes we would be in sync and turning the pages at the same time. My curiosity got the better of me at one point in time and I took a sneak peek at what he was reading. It was a tome by a Russian author by the looks of it. I found myself secretly approving and thinking that I have a literary buddy today haha.
I have this thing about morning trains and the crowds where I would feel really anxious if I’m not either plugged in to my music or seating in the train and reading. Over time, I found out that reading was a much better anxiety-reducing method for me as a good book will always sweep you away and capture you in their own world.
So it was nice to see someone on the train with me reading too. I really liked that.
…you know you’re whipped and complete trash when your camera roll is like this.
It’s my dear Seokjinnie’s birthday today and all the fansites are posting their best photos of him for his day so I can’t help just saving each and every one as I scroll down my list. I have a million reasons why I love this man (he’s smart, kind and genuine but not afraid to stir shit lol) but the number one reason is because he gained confidence in himself and isn’t afraid to show who he really is now to the fans and the general public. Who doesn’t love a good character development am I right. But seriously, he’s taught me a lot about being sure of myself, to value myself, and to fight for what I believe in when the situation calls for it.
I just have so much feelings for this man that I’ve only ever seen from afar and I can’t deal. He’s just so wholesome even though I know he’s a regular human being with numerous flaws.
Safe to say that the fangirl life still has a tight hold on me hehe.