The other day, my ex-best friend (I think it’s safe to call her this now, given the circumstances), texted in the group chat to list three good things about her, three bad things, and three words to describe our relationship. And so me being my honest self replied with this (in a private conversation with her cos I don’t want to open her aib in front of everyone else):
Idk I felt that it was fairly accurate and even somewhat softened already (especially regarding the tactless part – I actually didn’t want to put the ‘sometimes’ bit). This was 2 days ago and I have been met….with complete silence on her end. Even though she has replied on the group chat regarding other topics we were all talking about. What was the point of her asking then if she just ignores my message?
The thing is she has also been posting these weird sub-tweets on her Twitter account feeling wronged and how someone is being hypocritical. She only has 13 followers. Now, put yourself in my shoes and what is your natural conclusion? You definitely will feel that all these tweets are targeting you right? It’s not a case of siapa makan cili rasalah pedasnya. It’s a logical conclusion.
Now, I don’t get why she wants to do this roundabout way of talking about it. We are nearly 24 and this shit is getting tiring. I guess I’m also contributing to the problem with writing this post here instead of just texting her back asking what’s wrong but I just needed an outlet to vent tonight. This is not just a one-off occurrance. Now that I look back, there’s been numerous times during our friendship where I’m uncertain where I stand and even feeling like I’m walking on eggshells when I deal with her. I feel like I’ve always been the one giving and putting more effort in the friendship than she’s ever been.
I’m blessed now to be surrounded by good friends and we mutually support each other. On hindsight, I think my friendship with this friend was a toxic one. Based on her tweets and self-declaration, she has bouts of depression but still the lashing out and cold treatment is taking a toll on me.
Should I just be selfish and cut all ties with her? My rational self says yes since it’s causing me so much unnecessary stress and she isn’t even aware of it. But a part of myself that wants to be a caring friend says I should just stick it out as being a friend means being there for the good and the bad parts.
What should I do? Any advice would be good, at this point.
Guess who’s going for Harry Styles next year! I had to give his November concert a miss cos it was too near my Korea trip date and I would have no money left to spend on a concert ticket lol. That’s why I was so happy when he announced a 2018 date and Singapore is listed as one of the stops! He must have really liked it here in 2015 during the OTRA 1D tour. I have to say, SportsHub has really improved their online ticketing system since the last time I used them (see: 2015 OTRA). The purchasing was so smooth, like SISTIC’s, I couldn’t believe it. It could be due to the low demand since this is only for 1 1D member but I don’t really think so cos when I just logged into the system at 10am, 2 blocks were already unavailable. Plus, this is Harry Styles, arguably the frontman of 1D. I really think they’ve stepped up their system. Thank God.
With this purchase, I already have 3 concerts lined up for me. 2 this year (Music Bank, Bastille), 1 next year. Plus there’s semi-legit rumours that Bangtan might come for a full concert in December (which omg I will not be able to deal. I already can’t wrap my mind around the fact that I’m seeing them for the first time at Music Bank in a little less than 2 months). I AM SO HAPPY. People might think that concerts are just a waste of money since they only last about 2.5 hours at most, but I don’t really care. They make me feel alive and there’s nothing like feeling the bass thrum through your whole body and seeing this pulsating mass of people moving along to the same beat.
It’s one of the closest things to magic for me.
Well, this weekend has certainly been illuminating, to say the least. I was down for an LP yesterday at Woodlands Bazaar (the heat and humidity almost killed me. I gulped 3 cups of water when it was iftar) seeking people’s feedback on the EP.
One of the questions was about having a woman candidate. I thought Singapore has progressed a lot on this front, and while the majority of people I approached were, it was startling to find some people still having very conservative views. One of them even justified that only males are capable to “lead” the country because Singapore has the lion as an icon. And that lions are males only. I mean – wow. I didn’t know how to respond to that but I just had to “plasticly” smile and nod like I agree with his view. I felt a bit of myself dying away cries. I mean this isn’t even for the PM position which is the real leader of the country. I almost wanted to shake the guy even though he’s a head taller than me.
Fast-forward to today where I watched Hidden Figures. This is part of my new weekly project – to watch at least a movie per weekend. Last week, I started with Me Before You (which made me cry my eyes out). Anyway, Hidden Figures was really good. It never really dawned on me how bad the segregation of blacks and whites were till I’ve watched the movie. I mean having separate bathrooms and coffee pots?? With the hindsight that we have now, it does look very, very ridiculous. I wonder what would look ridiculous 10 or 20 years down the road.
Hello! I’ve taken another unannounced hiatus it seems. I hate to be one of those kinds of people that said that work has been so busy that they haven’t been able to do anything much – but it seems like I have. I try not to think that it’s a bad thing though. At least not for now, where I’m still new to the job and everyone has been really kind in showing me the ropes and letting me ask all the stupid questions (just yesterday, I asked E how to insert an image into an email; instead of it appearing as an attached document).
But Life in general, has been good! Since I’ve last written I’ve gone:
- Paintballing with the colleagues for team cohesion – SO MUCH FUN. It was pretty funny when there were still quite a lot of paintballs left and the instructor asked who still wants to play another round and all the young ones, including me, raised their hands lol. I still have a few bruises all over my body though.
- Family BBQ – A much more successful BBQ this time round cos of the sunny weather and cool night winds.
- Bought BASTILLE tickets – This will be my second time seeing them and I’m excited! It’s at Star Vista and allocated seating which I don’t know if it’s a good idea for a rock concert? We’ll see.
- Bought Seoul tickets! – My big trip to Korea is finally happening yaaaaaaas. October/November can’t come soon enough.
- Held two tea sessions between uni students and SH (I’m actually not sure if I’m supposed to say names hence the initials) – sometimes the questions that uni students bring up are so idealistic and removed from the real world. I hope I wasn’t like that. I also hope I haven’t gone jaded.
- Finished a book – Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I think this is the first time in months I managed to complete a book. I’ve been in the worst reading slump. Hopefully I’m out of it now.
- Decided to go to MuBank SG AND #WINGSTOUR if BTS decides to hold a full concert here – my wallet is already crying. But I will cry even more once I see Seokjin IRL.
I hope you guys had a good Vesak Day! I appreciate the PH cos that means one less day of Lineup Duty for me (I was so anxious on Monday but as usual it was just my brain overthinking and it actually turned out fine. Though I still can’t get a good sense of P – which is throwing me off cos I usually can read people quite well. Gah.) I managed to catch a movie which feels so good cos it has been so long!! I still want to solo watch a movie in a cinema soon and relive my uni days.
I have about 2 hours of work left today but I can’t. I have a report outstanding (only a few paragraphs on my end), but I can’t. My brain is ded.
Idk why this week feels very long, especially when you consider the number of out-of-office events lined up for the week. We already had a site recce, a promotional lunch, and now an upcoming paintball / hi-tea session on Friday that basically renders that day useless, work-wise. Also we are having hi-tea at Carousell in Orchard right after paintball. Yep, GG haha.
Yesterday, while on the packed MRT on the way to work, I managed to glimpse a little something that made my day.
Just outside, on the platform station, there was this MRT officer who was helping a blind middle-aged guy to wait for the next train.
This wasn’t what struck me to write this post.
It was the utter joy on their faces. The officer looked so happy just to help this guy out early in the morning, and having a nice conversation with him. It’s probably part of his responsibilities to do so but that joy, it was so pure, I couldn’t not write about it. The blind man was also happy that someone was willing to help him out during the peak hour crowd.
Idk, it’s moments like this that makes me realise that Singapore is not as ruthless a city as the majority believes. There’s still human decency in everyone.
Happy Thursday, everyone! Hope it goes well 🙂
Yep, I got the HR call this week! There’s a bit of an episode behind it too haha. I’ve been having a coughing fit for the past few days or so and it just so happens that HR called me in the middle of one. The HR lady was like are you okay is this a good time haha but I quickly told her yep it’s fine while downing loads of hot water to calm the itchy throat.
But yay, alhamdulillah! After almost a year since graduation (I ended exams May 4th), I’ve finally found a first proper job and thankfully it suits me well. The gross pay is also way higher than I thought – especially since this is the government sector where they look at grades and degrees more and I’m only a second lower Honours grad. I felt a bit of a loss when they told me and legit the first thought that crossed my mind was what am I going to do with the extra money hahaha. I am learning that I am quite bad at financial discipline. I tend to spend it all unless I set aside what I want to save for that month the day my paycheck enters the bank. So, now I’m doing that plus I have 3 budget apps on my phone to keep track of my daily and monthly spendings. It’s quite hard to say no to some purchases that I really want but I always question whether I need it or whether I just want it. Basic questions to ask, I know. But I’m still learning.
Anyway, yes, hopefully I’ll be permanent by May 1st so that I’ll get that permanent pay in June (and spend most of it prepping for Raya cries) and save for Korea!! I get 17 days off a year, but it’ll likely be pro-rated to 10 or 9 days this year by the time I join. It’s okay, that’s enough time for my trip hehe where I plan to apply for 7 days off (my actual trip will be 9 days – thank you weekends).
I actually have loads to update on here (2 posts in mind for Lunchtime Adventures, and other weekend things I’ve been up to) but I just don’t have the time sigh. I’ll try to make time but I think weekends are the best for me, especially since work is piling up.
I’m also been a bit off my reading bandwagon – I still haven’t completed Six of Crows despite the compelling plot and starting it a month or so ago. I watched a video on the 30 Day Reading Challenge today and it inspired me to try it too. I’ll try to read for 30 minutes a day every day, or every weekday and hopefully my reading spark will reignite again.